perfect world???

y do u always see it as excuses not as a real deal? after all, we live in a world that is not always perfect...there's always something up n we cannot avoid it...it was never my intention..when the world is turning their back on me, I'm counting on one person but at last left me alone to deal with everything...once more EGO comes between me n u and its not a good thing..I'm not strong..i need some1 to rely on n i don't understand y it can't b u...

think I'm stone hearted? trust me, u haven't seen my stone heart yet...

THE UNPREDICTABLE DAY!!!!!!!!

I was expecting my lecturer to come today but she didn't showed up..I'm so frustrated because i want all this observation thing to be over soon.. i just go on with the lesson but i don't know what's getting into my student today..usually they tend to behave in the early morning..but today..they don't..most of them..i caught them sleeping..chit chatting..even fighting..goshhh..they giving me a hard time..

there is this one boy..i asked him to move to give some space to other group..he said he is lazy..i asked him many2 times..i even stand beside him..he still refused..this boy is actually the biggest boy in the class.. then cynically i asked his weight..only then he moved without a word..the same boy again i asked him to get in a group..he said his group is terrible..i don't know what happened to me..maybe i was too mad then i said "U R TERRIBLE"..he was shocked and then moved to his group..when i was supervising his group work he complained again to me saying "SEE TEACHER..THEY R TERRIBLE..THEY DON'T INVOLVED ME"...i told him nicely to tell us his ideas than i will listen as well as his friends..he said "NO IDEA..BLANK"..i was so mad then i merely shouting "..SEE..NOW U WANT TO BLAME UR FRIENDS"..then i move to other group without saying a word..

another boy refused to move..i had to asked him to stand up..and me myself a TEACHER moved is chair and then asked him to sit..

i made an announcement, if u see ur friends r sleeping,,wake them up..so this one nice boy wake his friend..the sleeping boy woke up and spontaneously hit his friend at the back using book..i go to straightly to him n said "I ASKED HIM TO WAKE U UP..ANY PROBLEM?"..he look at me with THAT look but luckily he didn't do anything to me..of course he is bigger than me..

even though all of this had happen i really wished that my lecturer had observe me i want this to be over..to make it worst, after the class my friend told our lecturer was actually observing my other Friends at the same time i was expecting her..then the head of panel also came to me asking when she can observe me..so its going to be on Friday because tomorrow my mentor will be observing me..

i am so tired today..not just today..i think it will go onlike this until friday..i am so tired..pissed off..dissappointed..angry..and many kinds of feeling but obviously happy is not one of them..

p/s: my mentor gave me a good marks 4 the first observation..I'm glad because she is not that strict towards me..she even gave me many advices and ideas..

RELAKU PUJUK.....

Di kejar bayang-bayang resah
Bila hatimu masih tak berubah
Enggan di punya
Dan di penjara
Belaian cintaku ini

Aku bukan lelaki yang tewas
Bisa menyambar walau ku di tolak
Biar di uji
Kanan dan kiri
Kau kan tetap ku miliki

Tiada lafaz yang lebih agung
Kalimah cintamu
Yang kutunggu-tunggu

Biar jasadku yang menanggung
Permainan darimu
Relaku pujuk

Janganlah kau salahkan aku
Terus memburu menawan cintamu
Aku percaya
Sedikit masa
Kau kecundang akhirnya

Usahlah kau bersedih
Dihadapanmu aku hadir
Memadam resah dan curiga
Dari hatimu. oh. oh.

Apakah kali ini
Bisa kau tolak dan berlari
Setelah aku menanamkan
Azimatku

p/s: wish a guy would sing me a song like this..hehe..(with a guitar would make it more perfect)..

LIFE IS GOOD

THE SUN IS SHINING..

THE SKY IS BLUE..

THE BIRDS ARE SINGING..

THE WIND IS BLOWING..

THE OCEAN IS WAVING..

THE PEOPLE ARE SMILING..


THEN


I LOOK AT THE WINDOW..

IT'S RAINING..


THEN..


I REALIZE...

IT'S ALL IN MY HEAD..

COUNTING DOWN THE DAYS......

5 weeks left and that its already enough to make me feel good..i cant wait for all of this to end so i can get my life back..my as a life of teacher is so distressing and i really respect those teachers who still have passion even though they have been in this business for a very long time..to be fair, not all the experience and memories are difficult and dark..some of those days are very beautiful but some are not..i don't think that i can deal with this kind of life..its true that teaching is the most challenging profession in this world..its like having 100 teenagers as your children..we have to deal with what they r going through too..all this while i just said that teaching is a noble and challenging job but now when i said it, i REALLY MEANT it...it is..believe me..here is a quote that i found on one of the teacher's desk that really kept me thinking..

TEACHER.......
ReVEAl ThE PrESenT
pREsENt ThE PaST
ANd
DetERMiNe THe fUtUrE

WHEN TWO WORLDS COLLIDED.........

we had a fight last night..and i totally admit it that its all on me..i went to the movies with my girlfriends and hit the uptown later..we stayed there until 12 in the morning..he just couldn't accept the fact that i went out until late at night..of all of us late night, I'm not the only ONE with BF...all of us had a fight becoz of last night...but now i find myself to be the only who haven't settled anything yet..I'd spent the whole day asking 4 forgiveness but get nothing in return..my girlfriend had already exchange the position where her BF asking for forgiveness for being a control freak and become a hulk last night..BUT ME..like usual..always WAITING...WAITING..and WAITING..I'm thinking how come he can't be like my gf's bf..know when to interrupt and BACK OFF..this has been going on for 4 years..and to be honest, it does not get better..I'm asking myself did he even aware of my ANGER, CURIOSITY, SADNESS, DISAPPOINTMENT, REGRETS, DOUBTS and all those mix feeling..did he even aware of the SACRIFICES I've made..did he even aware of how much I've CHANGED for him..and did he even aware of how much I've had SUPPRESSED my real self in order to be the one that he IMAGINE i am..i guess the answer is NO...all those EGO cannot be challenge in order to save this relationship...although i have doubts in this but once again i need to console my own self by saying "he does not like other BF because i compliment him..i can be patient and i can deal with him..that's why we r 2gether"

i will be positive in this and i know i will always survive..

YOU HURT ME SO MUCH WHEN ALL I EVER DID WAS LOVE YOU

DIFFERENT??????IS IT OK THEN?????

sometimes i found it funny to think that how people are very different from us..but sometimes its annoys us...do we always have to appreciate the differences??..every1 has limits and there are things that we cant tolerate...all my life, I've been to a boarding and I've met so many different people..and now I'm a teacher, I've met so many people everyday too..how can we tolerate people with differences..there are girls that so into man..there are woman that get confident from others weaknesses..and there are man that just so ignorance about love...and then i've also met a girl that just cannot learn how to share...hellllllooooooo..we also share the world..why can't we just share other little things in the world..it's not like other people will taking away your life by sharing..nor spread dangerous diseases...this is so off the world...now i learn to accept others differences but not appreciate them...is it a sin?...

Crazy World!!!!!

i've read a news today and 2 stories really attract my attention: Suicide and hot dog origins..

Suicide
A boy in Kuantan committed suicide when he fail to meet his girlfriend at her house. he was told that she went for a youth meeting and maybe will be away for days..the upset boys is just 18 and his desire to meet his girlfriend is very strong since he had not seen her for 4 days due to duty call..he went to his aunt's house and try to committed suicide by cutting his wrist but was stopped by his aunt..then he pursue second attemt by drinking cleaning liquids..his brother stopped him but the bottle had already empty by the time he noticed it..he was rushed to the hospital but unfortunately he died after several hours of treatment..
i dont understand it..his girlfrined is away becasue of a strong reason..cant he just wait..its not like she dump him..she is just away..its a shame that a young life like that wasted for no apparent reasons..18 and the whole world is opening its way for him..i just dont get it..for the readers, never attempt suicide because it is not the answer for anything..

Hot Dog Origin
i've always wondered if it's really true that hot dog is made from dog...its hard to believe because western people dont eat dog..now i have the answer..actually it is not..its used to be called hot dog as a joke only..school children always make a joke by saying that the meat is made out of dog..so they called the stuffed dog..while some called it "all hot" because it is always serve hot...when its combine, it become "hot dog" until now..so it is not called hotdog because it made from dog but it is just a JOKE people..a JOKE...

it gets better...

Today i became zati fierce..hehe..and it works..the students were in their best behavior..i can accept a little bit of naughtiness but never cross the line..i hope this situation will continue..i am so touched when students making effort greet me outside of the classroom setting..i feel good actually..

*Sigh*

it's so tiring..how i wish this experience will be over soon..sometimes i feel like i can't bear with it..i almost slap a student today..luckily she didn't look me in the eye..if she look me in the, i swear i slap her..so rude..who does she think i am..I'm not her sister..or her friends..I'm her TEACHER...now i got my eyes on this girl..believe me I'm not going to make it easy for her if she continue behaving in such a way.. I'm so pissed of..

XOXO
D@zati

THE END OF THE BLISSFULL WEEKEND;(

my weekend finally over..i'm giving my life to the school back..ohh..how i wish the time would stop ticking coz i'm not ready yet 4 this..i'd watched 5 movies this weekend..i'm so happy i did..these are the movies:

• transformers 1
• x-men
• x-men 2: united
• x-men: the last stand
• x-men origins: wolverine

i didnt have any idea for tomorrow lesson..its just one period lesson..i better starts planning now...daaaaa..

introducing my new profession..TEACHER!!!

I'm officially a teacher now..hehe..though I'm in a TESL programme but i'd never given it much a thought before untill now..being a teacher is tiring, complicated and really challenging..i've become moody and never know what i will become when I'm in the classroom..it is so unpredictable...however, I'm so determined to survive this and i will...wish me luck and still in one piece by the end of this practicum..hehe..