a scapegoat..

whenever there are something wrong..its always my fault..never any1 else..hv u ever thought that if u were in my position n im in yours..trust me things will occur differently..think..think..think..and think..feels like im the only one who is thinking in my circle..mayb its better if i did not reach home just now..when im gone, people will appreciate me more..its a fact..

.....

i'm getting tired of justifying myself n my thought..when will u learn that its killing me when u refuse 2 understand n listen before throwing ur uncontrollable rage on my face with ur words..i hv my own reason which i know u will c as an excuse..bt its NOT like what u thought it is..guess u never learn that THERE ARE ALWAYS TWO SIDES OF A STORY..

life as ME!!!!

I'm an IDIOT..

I make a complete FOOL of myself..

Plus I'm a FAILURE..

Life is NEVER EASY for me..

Because I MADE it that way..

I make it HARD for myself..

That's why I don't deserve HAPPINESS..

LOSING A grip...

i'm weak n in an emotional state..all this while i thought i was lucky bt fate has different turn for me..everything seems not right and slipping away from me including my insanity..feel like i need to break something to make me feel good again..bt then again..no1 2 talk 2..this is not a case where i can forget it in just 1night..this is an everyday struggle that i hv 2 endure each and everyday where i need to console myself that it is OK n i will b fine..this is a long process n i need strong support bt i dont know y i dont want 2 share it with people..mayb i am ashamed with myself..if i never thought that it will happen 2 me, then no1 will expect it either..it is jz a thought that i hv..though it sounds irrelevent bt seems so true 2 me..i need a friend..a really good friend whom i am nt ashamed to share everything..who will undertsnd me and nt being selfish..bt not a bf who can be offended with certain thing i do..certainly not..guess i jz let it be..

jz this evening i told myself that i will rise from the ashes and stand stronger than before..again tonight i feel fragile..watery eyes..n feels like want to scream my lung out..bt i compressed it in my heart..n hoping it will go away..someday..yea..mayb someday..hopefully..

Loss of Passion..

its been so long since i have written anything here. life has been great until up to this point where i can feel a great pressure all around me. studying is not my only problems but its only one of them. i loss passion in studying and all i do now is for the sake of completing my degree rather than scoring A anymore. i do not care my grade as long as i pass. this is the hardest semester i had going through. just when i thought nothing else can be more heart wrenching than practicum. story of my life..

i needed lots of money and turns out i do not have much either. i need more but feel guilty to ask from my parents. i am not the only one they need to support. i cannot wait to go out, get a job and support myself.

i will not feel at ease as long as i don't finish this. i hope i can make it..i don't know how to revive my passion in learning to face the final exams..

i love my life but i am not happy with it now..

the pain is unbearable..

all this time i had been trying to suppressed my feeling to take care of others feeling

but its eating me from the inside

i had been trying my hardest not to think what i had done to make this work

but i just cant

its excruciating

maybe its true that the people who hurt you the most

is the people that you love the most..

he...

this is exactly the same thing that i felt before..i promise you on that particular day that you would feel the same thing right?...and u asked me to take it back..i did..but this is never under my intention to throw it all back at u..i don't plan this..and now you hope i will feel the same thing???...daaa....I've been there..and i know the feeling very well..very very well..but i bet you never realized it right??...u never gonna see it..I'd told you sometimes things happen without we even realized..but i know u forgot that...but it's OK..i know u would forgot someday..sooo uuuuu...

what happen in vegas?

i spent the last 4years of my life trying to be somebody else idea of "perfect" and you know what? i still feel not good enough for him..JOY..

all wounds heal with times..hater..

so long..i have try to please everybody..and by not trying to please you, i think i become myself again..JOY..

KARMA????

does karma goes round?...why is it in my world that it keep falling on me..it doesn't go round...why?..just please go round..it isn't fair..